Judgey Judy Makes me Moody!

Dear Creator,

You be the Judge…

As a writer and an artist, I have become a people watcher. I enjoy watching people at airports, coffee shops and at the park when I’m just chillin’. It began as research. I needed to examine the way one walks or holds the hand of a child or leans in to share something with their partner. I also wanted to note what people wore, and how they did their hair. Then I had to get a little closer, so I could hear their accent. Sometimes I even take notes! But never a photo without permission. I love people-watching. People are fascinating!

There are so many different kinds of people and every single one is unique. But something strange happened the other day. I caught a glimpse of someone in a store window and I did not like what I saw. She was a normal, average-height woman with blonde hair and cute red rubber boots. There was nothing wrong with her, nothing at all. But I judged her. I pulled a Judge Judy and condemned her for looking a little frumpy. She needs a haircut. She could stand to lose a few pounds. Her posture wasn’t perfect either.

The truth is, she was me. I was the one who caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And my little judge-y-ness changed my mood instantly! I went from prancing through the mall to slumping along like a sad sloth.

What’s that all about?

Now I’m not going to get into the psychology of years of cultural conditioning and the cognitive behavioural therapy I’ve been practicing for the last decade. I just want to point out one thing. How is it I can admire people as they are, perfect strangers who I observe for my research, and yet I cannot admire the woman in the mirror? The woman who I know intimately. She deserves to be admired by me just as much as any other human, wouldn’t you agree?

The same can be true for our creativity.

Isn’t it about time we gave ourselves a little break? Creators are the best at criticizing their work - writing, art, music etc. which is necessary for excellent work. But we rarely know when to stop criticizing and somehow we turn it inward and judge ourselves a little too harshly. We tell ourselves we don’t deserve to be complimented until it’s perfect - or close to it. And then when we do receive a compliment we throw it back with, “Thanks but it’s a fluke. I made a mess and somehow it ended up like this.” And we shrug, humbly of course.

But what would happen if we enjoyed ourselves? What would happen if we took the perfectionist’s pressure off and just accepted the fact that we are unique, a little flawed, funny-looking, definitely different or even a little weird? What if we shut the judgey critic’s voice off while we made beautiful music, art, or poetry?

How do you think that would feel? And what kind of results would you have?

My dear creators, I hope you will let these words sink and take them to heart. There is no one who can create the way you do, and as my 92-year-old mother says, “If it were perfect, it wouldn’t be mine.” None of us is perfect, nor will we ever be.

In other words, it starts with us. We need to remind ourselves and each other that we are complex creative beings with so much more than what we see on the surface. Our creativity comes from the inside, from who we are. If we want to make beautiful art, we have to admit our own beauty, yes?

P.S. Next time I see my reflection in a store window, I’m going to stop and wink at myself. Maybe even give myself a compliment, out loud. Take that, Judgey Judy!